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Enjoying a meal out with friends, family, or colleagues is one of life’s simplest joys—but things can get tricky when the server drops off the bill. Splitting the check can raise all kinds of questions about fairness, etiquette, and how best to respect both your dining companions and the restaurant staff. To help keep things smooth and stress-free, we asked two etiquette experts to weigh in.
Decide how to split the check—upfront.
Before the bill even hits the table, agree on whether you’ll divide it evenly or go by what each person ordered. Richie Frieman, etiquette expert and author of the Modern Manners Guy column, says fairness is key—especially when spending habits vary. Respect that some people may be on a tighter budget and don’t pressure anyone into an even split if it doesn’t feel right for them.
To illustrate, Frieman shares a common scenario: Person A orders lobster and wine, Person B has a burger and beer, Person C goes for chicken salad and a soda, while Person D splurges on the seafood tower and two glasses of high-end wine. In this case, splitting the bill evenly doesn’t make much sense. People end up subsidizing someone else’s choices, which can lead to awkwardness or resentment.
“Let me be crystal clear: Declining to pay for someone else’s meal is not rude,” Frieman says. “The real discourtesy lies with those who knowingly allow others to cover their excess. Now, if the difference is minimal—just a few dollars—then sure, split the bill. But even then, good manners call for acknowledgement. A simple, ‘I’ll get you next time, my friend,’ goes a long way.”
Use tech to your advantage.
If possible, try to handle the check among yourselves rather than involving the server. One easy method? Have a single person cover the bill—including tax and tip—and get reimbursed later via Venmo, PayPal, Cash App, or whatever platforms work for your group.
Apps like Tab and Splitwise can also help, calculating who owes what and facilitating quick, fuss-free paybacks—all without awkward math on a napkin,” Frieman notes.
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Don’t forget tax and tip.
No matter how you split it, be clear about what’s included—especially gratuity. Good service typically warrants a tip of at least 20 percent, and that should be factored into everyone’s share.
“When calculating your portion, don’t forget to include tax and tip,” says Jamila Musayeva, a certified etiquette consultant who offers workshops and private coaching sessions. “This is where many people unintentionally fall short. A good guest always rounds up, not down. It’s far better to leave a little extra than to put your friend—or your server—in an awkward position.”
Loop in your server early.
Whether you're splitting the bill or putting it all on one card, communication is key. The most respectful move is to let your server know your plan at the start of the meal, especially if you expect them to split checks for the group.
“Giving them a heads-up allows the kitchen and waitstaff to manage orders accordingly, rather than having to itemize everything at the end,” Musayeva explains. “It’s a small courtesy that saves time and prevents confusion, especially in busy restaurants where the staff are already balancing many tables.”
Frieman agrees: “Servers appreciate clarity. When I waited tables in college, the last thing I wanted was for guests to feel like they couldn’t ask for something that would improve their experience.”
That said, if you forget to mention it up front, don't panic. “It’s perfectly acceptable to request separate checks when the bill arrives,” he says. “Servers handle this kind of thing all the time. You’re not asking for anything unusual.”
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